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Don’t you sometimes wish that you were given a book entitled “How to Live”? Think about it: Upon birth, each of us receives a personalized manuscript detailing directions on how to negotiate life. Each hardbound edition with letters inscribed in gold tells each individual what path to take and what the consequences are of each courses of action. This way we wouldn’t have to keep on guessing whether the decisions we make are sound or not.
Take cancer patients like me, for instance. Perhaps chapter two of my custom-made copy of “How To Live” would read: “Be warned that at 26 years old, just when you are quite successful in your career and you’re ready to start a family of your own, cancer will come visiting.” I wonder how my parents would react to that when I was born back in 1979. I suppose they’d scour every book and ask physicians about cancer. Of course, since medical breakthroughs in cancer treatment back then were not as advanced as they are today, I suppose they’d get so depressed, expecting that they’d surely lose me at such a young age. Then they’d probably treat me like china and not allow me to have a normal childhood, with the hope that the prediction would somehow reverse itself. Of course, when I would come of age, I’d surely think twice about acquiring a boyfriend or a husband and well, should the pressure of love be too much to resist, I’d doubtless just get married but would never, under any circumstance, have a baby. I’m sure my parents would work doubly hard to earn more money and save a lot of it for treatment. They’d also probably think twice before giving me the younger brother and the still younger sister that I have now.

Then again, imagine the endless bouts of melancholy that we would have been subjected to. I’d most certainly miss being a normal kid and would have to endure being fussed over at the slightest fall. I’m also equally sure that I would not have been allowed the opportunity to travel and see other lands at quite a young age. I’m sure I’d have preoccupied myself with thoughts of dying that I would not have entertained the idea of loving. And despite the financial abundance that such a warning might bring, the mental torture would probably bring anguish enough to make everyone in the family unravel psychologically, spiritually and physically.

I suppose the mystery of life lies in the unexpected twists and turns that we meet along the way. Just when we though that the road is paved and smooth, we encounter a bump that forces us to take a detour to some rutted, potholed street. And yet the beauty of it is that before we stumble upon that roadblock, we are able to have a life. We are allowed to laugh, to cry and exist the way we want to. These minor detours also sharpen our wits and fuel the innate human drive for survival. Such huffing and puffing may seem terribly inconvenient, but they actually serve their purpose.

In dreadfully confusing times, I pray to God for clear-cut signals. Last night, I actually said: “Lord, short of appearing to me and telling me the exact thing to do in this situation, please give me crystal clear signals on what to do next.” Well, He hasn’t actually whispered in my ear to do this or that. Neither has He appeared to me with a host of angels commanding me what to do. He has also stopped heaven’s printing presses from printing me a personal copy of “How To Live.” But somehow, there’s clarity in the future strides that I am about to take. I can only surmise that life’s ultimate wonder lies in the assuring touch of God’s hand in my heart.

Now that’s as clear as any signal anyone can get.

Do you believe in fate? Do you believe that your life is predestined, that you are following a path already carved out for you? Or do you believe that you have choices? That whatever it is you do today ultimately affects how your life will turn out? I’m not quite sure what to believe myself. After all, I didn’t choose to have cancer. Or didn’t I? Previously-made lifestyle choices like eating bad food and choosing to get stressed over the smallest detail isn’t exactly a recipe for getting the Big C, right? But how I handled and am still handling the sickness- now that’s a conscious choice. How that exactly affects my future and that of my family is still a matter that remains to be seen.

But there must be more to life than destiny or choices. A combination of both perhaps makes for a better understanding of certain states or situations that we are now experiencing. I am a Catholic and therefore believe in God’s role in my life. But whenever possible, I try to do things that are within my human range. For those that aren’t, well, that’s where the Almighty comes in. And He isn’t doing such a bad job of that either.

God bless!

Whenever people ask me what kind of cancer I have and I tell them it’s thymic carcinoma, they always give me a blank look. It’s definitely not as common as breast or lung cancer or any other type of cancer for that matter. And I always end up with the simplest explanation possible (the same one given by my doctors to me): Your thymus gland is supposed to shrink or go away by the time you’re 10 years old or so. In rare cases, it continues to grow and in rarer cases still, it grows to become malignant. And that’s what I have.

What are the symptoms? Well, in my case, it was difficulty breathing that I simply attributed to my being pregnant at that time. I also had facial swelling (edema) and there were all sorts of veins jutting out from my chest. I also had constipation and a cough that wouldn’t heal no matter what antibiotics were given. It was already stage 4 when it was diagnosed.

People always tell me that I’m lucky that my baby and I survived that ordeal about 3 years and 11 months ago. I tell them it’s a miracle.

Having the Big C is a lot like walking on a precipice, holding only to a thin piece of rope which could snap any second. You’re surviving as you continue to walk towards safer ground, but there’s always the fear that the rope would break, or you’ll fall to the rocks below or the wind would get too strong and make you lose your balance, and of course, do both.

I’m running my fourth year this September as I continue to battle my cancer, but now I’m concerned when I feel a certain bump in the middle of my chest, or when my bones start to ache or when I feel suddenly lethargic for no good reason. What if my blessed honeymoon remission is over, and recurrence has reared its ugly face in the midst of my adversity?

I know, I know, I should stop thinking negative thoughts and focus towards the positive. I should recite my mantra “health, wealth, happiness is pouring into my life” with as much conviction as possible for it to come true, I should only engage in activities that don’t cause me too much stress. I know I should do these and more. But at times, it’s difficult to do all these while fulfilling the responsibilities and struggles of daily life.

Blogging helps. It has allowed me to articulate thoughts which I wouldn’t otherwise voice out to anyone else. If you are on the same boat as I am, I think you’ll understand.

Happy New Year!
It’s a brand new set of 365 days. Time for new hopes, loftier dreams, and even greater ambitions. Yet, despite the new resolutions, it’s always important to look back and look near to see what’s really important. For me, it’s my faith and my little family- my husband and daughter. Of course, my relatives and friends have also been with me through thick and thin, and for that I will forever be in their debt.

But more important still, I thank the Lord for letting me arrive in 2009. To reach this point from a highly challenging year 2005 after being diagnosed with late stage thymoma while pregnant is a miracle that only Heaven can ever accomplish. I know cancer will always be cancer. But no matter, I thank you, God, for allowing me to celebrate a new year with my family and the people who are most dear to me.

If one is to survive the Big C, I believe that a major change in both attitude and diet is required. I was heavily into sweets, processed and fastfood from the time I was in high school, and by the time I joined the workforce, chocolates, burgers, noodles and sodas became my food staples. Leafy greens never had any place in my food regimen before, despite knowing what its health benefits were.

But it was even more challenging to slow my pace down, and let go and let things be. It was easier to just succumb to the illness instead. However, being pregnant and later on, bearing a child, became my inspiration to go on- to have and maintain a positive attitude that I will be all right so that I can still rear my daughter. And I’m truly thankful to the Almighty for giving me another lease on life to do just that.

Eating healthy, thinking positively, praying ceaselessly and loving endlessly, of course- these are keys to beating the Big C.

When I got diagnosed with cancer sometime ago, the idea of stem cells was a fairly new one. In fact, information about it was not as widespread as it is now. Moreover, it was a very expensive option and a risky one at that since harvesting stem cells required invasive procedures. Bottomline, it wasn’t easily accessible to everyone.

I’ve already written about the revolutionary stem cell research and technology by Cryo-Cell in this blog. They offer women a non-invasive process of collecting stem cells from their menstrual blood right in the privacy of their homes. These are then processed and preserved for medical, cosmetic or other cellular therapies in the future. While research and clinical trials for this technology is still underway, preliminary studies have demonstrated that menstrual stem cells “are a novel cell population that may be routinely and safely isolated and provide renewable source of stem cells from child-bearing women,” according to Julie Allickson, Ph.D. of Cryo-Cell International. An April 14, 2008 report by the company also found out that menstrual cells are “stromal cells, meaning they have the capability to differentiate into important cells, such as bone, cartilage, fat, nerve and cardiogenic cells. The study also found out that the cells divided rapidly and plentifully, indicating a possible therapeutic value.” More exciting is the preliminary finding that indicates that aside from the donor, stem cells may also benefit other familiy members who are genetically related to her. This new technology thus empowers women in more ways than one, allowing her to take control of her health and her future.

With this, C’elle is now holding a for a limited time, the “Caring is Sharing” promo. “A woman can purchase C’elle for herself and give a meaningful gift of life to her best friend, sister or loved one for free. To purchase C’elle online go to www.Celle.com and use special promotion code: 241.”

Click on C’elle Client Testimonial to learn more about this exciting health innovation.

I am now running my fourth year in my battle against cancer. Compared to how I felt in 2005 and 2006 while I was still undergoing my chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatments, I’m feeling much better, more energized, more alive. I can at least play with and run after my little girl, although I always tire out first; and do a little bit of grocery shopping by myself even if I have to wear a face mask whenever I go out of the house.

But see, the thing with surviving the Big C is that the feeling of “being better” and “being able to do things normally” doesn’t always last. It’s a fickle thing, really. And like cancer, the idea of recurrence becomes a stark reality- the proverbial sword of Damocles turned tangible, palpable, touchable.

I am blessed, I suppose. The tumor that sits on my heart has shown no signs of metastasizing. But it has shown no signs of getting smaller either. Despite my apparently healthy exterior, I can’t go back to teaching or get a regular job because I palpitate at the smallest hint of stress or even at the tiniest bit of bad air and dust that gets into my system. But at least, it’s (my tumor, that is) is on a status quo, and as long as it stays that way, I’m content.

Now, prayer is my armor, and the undying belief that I will get better everyday, my anchor. I have everything to live for, after all- a daughter who still needs me and a husband who loves me wonderfully.

It’s mind over matter, I suppose. As long as my mind tells the rest of my system to be well, then it will. Ever since I got the Big C, I’ve always held on to the idea that the mind is a very powerful tool for healing. It just has to stay on top of things, otherwise, if it succumbs to the disease, then there is little hope of getting better. Sure, it takes a lot of discipline and determination, but putting the mind over matter is well worth it in the end.

All cancer survivors know that fighting the Big C is never easy. We are like soldiers going to battle, never knowing what the outcome may be. Yet, it is essential that no matter what the future holds- whether it be life or death- we still must continue to live life to the fullest. I’d like to share this quote which I found from the LA Police Gear website to my fellow cancer survivors in the hope that they won’t lose hope in their continuing battle with the Big C:

“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy course; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.” THEODORE ROOSEVELT (Paris Sorbonne,1910)

LA Police Gear is a website that sells law enforcement gear, including tactical footwear and boots and tactical apparrel, among others. Click on this link tactical holster to check out some of their latest products.

We make decisions everyday. Things as trivial as what to eat, drink or wear all have to be decided on. Of course the more serious ones like where to go for college, what career to pursue or when to settle down absolutely have to be thought over and eventually have to be resolved. Come to think of it, we have to keep on making decisions every single moment of our lives—unless, of course, we encounter situations or are placed in circumstances that are totally beyond our control. Accidents, for example, belong to that sphere far beyond the reach of any human power. They are unexpected, undesigned and often unfortunate occurrences which involve embarrassment at the least and death at the most. Sickness, too, when they come, especially when you’ve kept away from vices and have lived a generally healthy lifestyle before the diagnosis hit, also belongs to that realm that leaves one bereft of that capacity to make decisions. We hear of individuals who don’t smoke getting lung cancer and transfusion patients contracting infection from AIDS-contaminated blood. It’s completely out of their hands and most of the time, it’s unfair.

Yes, at that precise moment when these mishaps strike, we are left completely helpless and at the mercy of the whims of a very cruel fate. But once the shock has subsided, it is reassuring to know that the power to decide has not completely left us. We can and still have to deal with the aftermath. After all, once placed in such conditions, we have no other choice but to deal with it—and dealing with it usually involves a hefty lot of decision making. For instance, when I got sick, a lot of things had to be decided on: To proceed or not with the treatments, to go home or stay in Manila, to curse the high heavens and blame them about my plight or pray and psyche myself up to beat the cancer. The decisions that my family and I made were not easy ones. They were even quite painful. But what is life without pain anyway? John Patrick in his play The Teahouse of the August Moon wisely puts it thus: “Pain makes man think. Thinking makes man wise. Wisdom makes life endurable.” Every resolution that is of consequence in our lives involves pain as decision-making is by nature a tortuous, agonizing process. However, when we know that we’ve considered all the pros and cons, weighed all there is to reflect on and prayed about it unceasingly, then the decision, no matter how tough, can be made with peace of mind and heart.

It takes courage to make sound judgments. Sometimes, it’s even easier to not accept the reality of the situation, bewail our fate and simply just give up. But the men and women worth their salt make it their choice to be face life head-on. The decision to live a courageous life amid all of life’s battles can be a conscious choice. And how do we do that? Victoria Lincoln in The Arts of Living has an answer that we can ponder on:

“Courage begins when we can admit that there is no life without some pain, some frustration; that there is no tragic accident to which we are immune; and that beyond the normal exercise of prudence we can do nothing about it.

But courage goes on to see that the triumph of life is not in pains avoided, but in joys lived completely in the moment of their happening. Courage lies in never taking so much as a good meal or a day of health and fair weather for granted. It lies in learning to be aware of our moments of happiness as sharply as our moments of pain. We need not be afraid to weep when we have cause to weep, so long as we can really rejoice at every cause for rejoicing.”

 It’s so easy to thank God when you are at the top of your career, when you are happily married to a loving husband, when the pregnancy test yielded positive results and you know that in nine months you will be blessed with your first baby. When you have all the good things, praising an ever-loving God is easy. But what if you have to stop working because you got sick? What if the possibility of a miscarriage stares at you right in the face? What if you suddenly have to face the thought of leaving your loved ones behind as dying becomes a real possibility? Will you thank God then?

 I was a 26 year old happily married teacher expecting my first baby when I was diagnosed with Stage IV Thymoma—a rare form of cancer affecting the thymus gland. (Normally, the thymus gland disappears as a person grows older. In some uncommon cases, it doesn’t. It grows and becomes malignant). Though faced with a very uncertain future, I continued to trust the goodness of God. Amazingly, the blessings came pouring in. You see, when cancer came knocking into my life, it did not bring with it demise. Rather, in one of God’s miraculous paradoxes, my cancer brought with it life.
 
By the time I was diagnosed, the mass had grown so big that I had developed all sorts of cardiac complications. As a result, my heart was having difficulty pumping blood throughout my system, making my pulse rate go up and my breathing laborious. As if that wasn’t enough, the MRI Scan also showed that the cancer had metastasized to the lungs and other nearby areas. Chemotherapy or radiotherapy had to be administered soon since lying in bed had become very difficult. I had to sit on the chair in order to get some sleep. However in this position, dizzying and vomiting spells constantly plagued me. My baby was in no better condition either as there were days when I had spotting—a sign that not everything was going well inside my womb.

Under those circumstances, radiotherapy was seen as the best possible alternative since it offered the best chance of shrinking the large mass in a short amount of time, thus affording me some relief. Taking this course of action meant the risk of losing my baby.  My little angel had to receive the treatment with me with only a thin abdominal lead shield placed over my stomach to protect her. But we resigned ourselves to the stark reality of losing our firstborn. We cried our confusion, but trusted God nonetheless—hoping against hope that our little angel would make it through. And she did. Chemotherapy followed soon after. My baby and I were given six cycles every twenty-one days. Still she continued to hang on and fight the good fight with me. 

However, when a congenital anomaly scan was about six months into the pregnancy, we were in for more bad news. Fluid had filled my baby’s heart. My doctor explained that this condition could result to fetal death. Despair set in, but we continued to pray. About a month later, a follow-up ultrasound revealed that the fluid had diminished and my baby was thriving well!
 
At eight months, I delivered Maria Carmela via Caesarian section. For a premature baby weighing only 1.55 kilograms at birth, she had a lusty cry that woke me up from my anesthesia-induced sleep. My fears of a deformed baby were put to rest when the doctors held my beautiful and complete baby girl close to me. Amid the ecstatic exultations of my doctors inside the delivery room—“She has such a wonderful cry! She’s our miracle baby! Do we have a camera?”—I knew that God’s hand was again at work.

Although a month premature, Carmela was placed in the incubator at Neonatal Intensive Care Unit of the Medical City for only twelve days. Now, a healthy baby with a ready smile, Carmela is a constant reminder to us that despite all the seemingly insurmountable odds, God is there. He is only a prayer away. With all these marvelous blessings, how can I not get down on my knees and thank Him? At this eleventh hour, when Big C came to visit, I got my faith back. #       
 
   

“To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see.”
Hebrews 11:1

My daughter is my greatest blessing. Bringing her out into the world amid all the odds was a feat that I can only attribute to God’s miraculous grace. Cancer and pregnancy don’t really go well together and undergoing both chemotherapy and radiotherapy—both mainstays in the cancer treatment program—significantly increases the risk of birth anomalies in the fetus. It could only be through God’s extraordinary blessing that our baby girl was born whole and healthy, with the Newborn Screening showing normal results. Adele Pillitteri in her book Maternal and Child Health Nursing explains: “As a rule, women can receive chemotherapy in the second and third trimesters of pregnancy without adverse fetal effects. Radiation therapy, in contrast… puts the fetus at risk throughout pregnancy if the fetus is directly exposed.”
I started receiving both treatments during the first trimester of my pregnancy. When you take that into consideration, you can understand why this case is a medical miracle. Now that I am convalescing, I know that my continued health and that of my daughter’s hinges on God’s providence alone. Human as I am however, there are times when I succumb to worries that God might not continue the miracle He started.

Yesterday was one such day. The news featured an adolescent boy with leukemia whom the news channel’s foundation was sponsoring for chemo treatments. The reporter also interviewed a physician who revealed the causes for this type of cancer. One stood out clearly in my mind: A fetus’ exposure to radiation early on in the pregnancy. My husband, who was happily playing with our child, stopped laughing and simply held our baby close. Exposure? My daughter had more than exposure! She had tons of radiation and x-rays she’s probably bionic!

Dr. O.P. Jaggi in his book Cancer: Causes, Prevention & Treatment reveals that from a scientific standpoint, studies have shown that x-rays and radioactive substances are well-recognized causes of cancer. Nineteenth century mine workers in Czechoslovakia who were exposed to radioactive substances developed lung cancer. A lot of inexperienced technicians working with x-ray machines in the past developed leukemia and skin cancers. Many Japanese who were exposed to the atomic bomb explosions likewise developed leukemia and other cancers.

Then I remember that my oncologist had given me a straightforward answer about a year ago when I asked what my daughter’s chances are of “inheriting” the illness. “If she gets it, leukemia might manifest itself in her adolescent years.” He did give the assurance that this was highly unlikely yet should it come to pass, by then medical science should already have rendered chemo obsolete and found a complete cure for the Big C.

There is nothing for us to do now but strive to give the best possible care for our precious little girl. Because we are treading a very uncertain path, we know that only God’s firm grip can see us through. We have been given a reason to pray.
When I shared this possibility with my mother, her answer was more basic: “She is God’s gift. God’s angels protected her, Mama Mary sheltered her, and Jesus blood washed away all traces of radiation that she received. God won’t allow her to get sick—now or ever.”

Such trust, such confidence. Yet such is faith. I would do well to follow her example.

Cancer is a scary word. More and more people are getting it. Since it has been a well accepted fact that the earlier the cancer is detected, the better are the chances of survival, knowing the signs and symptoms that warrant a trip to the doctor is vital. That is why cancer awareness is very important. As I celebrate each day of victorious battle against this evil, it’s about time I share the little practical knowledge I’ve gained from living with this disease. Before going any further, however, let me clarify that what I write here is not meant to be used as a substitute for proper medical advice. All that is written comes from a survivor’s personal standpoint, supplemented by readings from various books and journals.

Elaine Marieb, in her book Essentials of Human Anatomy and Physiology, writes that neoplasms or new growths “develop when controls of the cell cycle and cell division malfunction.” Malignant cancer cells “grow relentlessly and may become killers.” They also have the capability of metastasis—breaking away from the parent mass and spreading to distant parts of the body. Environmental as well as genetic and personal factors can cause cancer. Carcinogens include exposure to radiation, tobacco, certain viral infections and chemicals.

So how do we detect cancer? Sadly, most are discovered in their late stages when the symptoms have become unbearable. Because early detection means better chances of conquering the disease, it is important to heed certain signs that merit a visit to the doctor. Dr. O.P. Jaggi, in his book Cancer: Causes, Prevention and Treatment, outlines the following symptoms “which should arouse suspicion of the disease”:

1.A lump or hard area in the breast [or anywhere in the body].
2.A change in a wart or mole.
3.A persistent change in digestive and bowel habits, for example, constipation.
4.A persistent cough or hoarseness in a smoker [or even a non-smoker].
5.Bleeding per vagina at times other than the menstrual.
6.Non-injury bleeding from the surface of the skin, mouth of any other bodily orifice.
7.Any ulcer that does not get well.
8.Unexplained loss of weight.
9.Unexplained diminished or lost appetite.
10.Unexplained low-grade fever.

Now let’s say the diagnosis is in. After all the preliminary tests, the doctor says what you don’t like to hear. What do you do then? Here are some helpful tips:
1.Be calm. Keeping your cool will allow you to think and make sound decisions. Prepare yourself mentally for the tough battle ahead.
2.Ask. Be very direct with your doctor. Knowing more about your disease will give you some degree of control. Some important questions include: How long do I have to live? What are my treatment options and their possible side-effects? How much would these cost? Make sure that you choose a very good doctor and a very good hospital.
3.Keep appointments with your physician religiously. Make sure that you stick to your chemotherapy or radiotherapy schedule. Do not easily be swayed by alternative cancer medicines. Should you decide on taking them, make sure that they have scientific bases.
4.All family members, relatives and friends must understand the situation. Cancer cannot be won without the necessary family support.
5.Pray. No matter the advances in medical oncology, all cancer patients still need a miracle. Battling the Big C is not all medical. It is as much a spiritual battle as anything else. I believe that one’s ultimate weapon is prayer.