infiniteperspective.net

“This world is not conclusion;
A sequel stands beyond,
Invisible, as music,
But positive, as sound…..”

-Emily Dickinson

Whenever November 1 comes around, I always feel a certain sense of foreboding. Perhaps it has something to do with my fear of death and the unknown. For instance, I would consciously look the other way when passing by funeral parlors and cemeteries. Horror flicks are never on my movies-to-watch list and I would feel like retching whenever I see a dead carcass of a cat or a dog on the street. Oh, I’ve gone on wakes and watched the deceased lying peacefully in their caskets, but I still find funeral atmospheres stifling, to say the least.

Fear is a good thing, I suppose, because it helps one prepare for that inevitable hour when the clock of life would have to come to a grinding halt. It’s peculiar how our time on earth now seems to be one big audition for the after-life. For Christians, the concept of heaven and hell are two motivating factors why life on earth must be of upright consequence. For others, the notion of basic human decency and impressing a fine legacy is enough.

But can we really prepare for death? After all, we know for a fact that there is no exact schedule for passing away. We could go tomorrow, next week, next year—nothing is ever fixed. The only thing that’s certain is we go. When the doctors told me that I had cancer fourteen months ago, the only question that burned inside of me was: If I die now, have I not wasted my life? My whole existence literally flashed before my eyes as I sought to answer my own query. The pain that accompanies each potential dying breath and the physical part of the demise did not scare me as much as wanting to know if I have not wasted my time on earth. In case God convenes a jury to try whether each departed soul was fit for heaven I wanted to be able to properly respond and defend myself. Up to now I’m still searching for an answer as the shadow of mortality stalks me everyday. While looking for that, I strive to know my purpose so as not to waste the second lease on life granted to me. It’s a good thing that I have my baby to care for. I now have a goal as I strive to live my life on a daily basis—that of nurturing the little miracle that has been with me from the start. Surely, loving and ensuring the welfare of God’s gift to me is purpose enough. If this isn’t the only objective of my existence, then I hope the Almighty would be lenient enough to add more sand to my hourglass.

In the end how one prepares for that final destination is a matter of individual preference. Whether preparation entails doing good deeds, heeding God’s call for the ministry, or praying five times a day, pondering on the hereafter is a personal endeavor worth taking because it sets the mood for one’s animate existence in this world. Of course, it’s always easy to go through life without giving death a thought, but every time we celebrate All Souls Day, we know that our time will come. When it does, it would be wonderful to embrace it with no reservations.

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